I Had a Dream

I had a dream about Tiffany last night.  It may have been triggered by a conversation that Paul and I had over dinner last night.  We were talking about what we were going to do on Saturday around the house.  Paul said that I should go shopping since it was going to rain but I wasn't in favor of the idea.  He didn't understand why not because he knew that I enjoyed shopping.  I told him that I didn't enjoy shopping at all anymore now that Tiffany was gone.  Now I only go shopping when I have to get something or buy a gift and that there was nothing, not one thing, that I enjoyed about going to the stores just to window shop or walk around.  And I remember him saying to me that Tiffany wouldn't have wanted that but I just can't help it.

Of course, my dream begins with me shopping...surprise.  I walked into a store that was somewhat familiar but I couldn't put a name to the store at this time.  I was looking for a pocketbook, a particular kind, but I can't say now what particular features I wanted.  I walked around the store and saw a handbag up on a stand.  I took it down, looked at it and hung it back up as it wasn't exactly what I wanted.  I didn't hang it up quite right so I fiddled around with it until it was back the way it had been.  I wandered around again, looking at all kinds of bags, drawn by the glittery ones but they had bows and ribbons as if they were for young girls.  I was getting frustrated so I decided to pick up a bag of dog food in the store.  I'm not sure why they sold dog food there but it was in a different section.

I remembered that they had an upper level to the store where they had more expensive handbags and I was a little hesitant but figured I would go after all.  I asked the clerk to hold the dog food for me and moseyed on upstairs.  I didn't find what I was looking for but there was a catalog on one of the tables that I picked up.  I walked back downstairs and out the door.  As I went up the street, I suddenly saw a billboard that advertised the store I had just left.  On the billboard, larger than life was Tiffany, modeling their clothes.  I thought to myself, "Oh my god, that's where she's been all this time!".  She looked so beautiful...just like herself only her hair was cut short to just above her shoulders.  I was surprised by that because she hated her hair that short.  I looked down at the catalog in my hand and started to flip through it.  And there she was...modeling different clothes in different poses.  In one of them, she was reclining on a bench with her feet up on a table and her arms on a ledge behind her...so relaxed.  She was wearing a sweater and skirt with tights and cute shoes.  I was somewhat shocked because I never knew she had any interest in modeling and I thought how perfect it was for her.  She looked so sure of herself and comfortable in her own skin.

I rushed back to the store with the intent to find out where she was.  I went up to the clerk who was holding the dog food and asked her about the model in the catalog.  I was frantic and emotional.  When I looked up, there was Tiffany standing there, beautiful as ever.  I started to cry and asked her why she had disappeared for so long.  I was quite angry with her for doing that.  My sense was that she had cut off contact with me much as she did when I discovered she had an eating disorder.  I was so distraught, crying and walking aimlessly around the store, people looking at me wondering what was going on.  Then Tiffany handed me a long roll of something that she had written on.  The first thing I read was that she was seeing someone named Peter.  I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't quite make out his last name but thought it might be the son of someone I went to school with.  She looked at me sheepishly and said that I would probably be upset that she was seeing the son of a sheriff.  I looked back at the writing and saw that she had written that she was seeing the son of Sheriff Mark Alden, who was a boy named Peter (don't ask me who that is, I have no clue).  I told her that was no problem and that I wasn't upset.  I read more of this roll of writing but I can't remember the details now.  There was something she had written where she had crossed out some negative word but I think the gist of it was that she had found happiness.  There were also comments about how she had been waiting for me to make contact and why hadn't I contacted her.  I told her it was because she had cut off all ties to me but I realized then that she had been waiting for me to reach out and find her.

As I stood there in shock, relief and wonder, a man came up to me and asked me if I had found my daughter.  I replied with great happiness, "Yes, I found her!".  Then I woke up...