Who Tiffany Was: Part 3 - Sister

For some reason this part of the story is difficult to tell.  Of course, it started in March of 1987 with the birth of Tiffany and Troy stepped into the shoes of an older brother.  He was a loving brother right from the start.  That was a bit surprising since he was an only child for over 3 years and very close to me.  But perhaps it was because she was a girl.  I really suspect it was because Troy just had a natural affinity for children, even at that young an age.

 But for whatever reason, he never showed any jealousy towards Tiffany and she seamlessly became an integral part of the tight-knit threesome that we made up.  There was really nothing that we didn't do together in those early years.  I would take the children shopping, we would go to camp and sit by the lake, we would play games and watch TV...just some of the many activities that we did as a family.

When I got a job in CT, of course, Troy and Tiffany came, too.  It was where I bought them their first Nintendo game system and they spent hours together playing Mario and Zelda.  It was also at this time, in 1989, that I bought the 50th Anniversary edition of the "Wizard of Oz" and an obsession was born.  I often wonder if Troy got as tired of watching that movie as I did.  Although maybe not, since he was a kid, and what kid didn't like the "Wizard of Oz"?

We had many adventures there.  We lived in a steel house, one of the few of its kind, in North Haven, CT.  It was here that the infamous "milk" incident occurred, the truth of which didn't come out for many years after but which gave us many laughs afterwards.  We traveled back to New York quite frequently during those days, where Troy and Tiffany had opportunities to play with friends, but the best was, we were always together.

After a while, we moved back to New York and the children re-acclimated themselves as if they never left.  That first summer we were back, I was on a leave of absence from work so I watched 2 of their dear friends while their mother worked and those kids were the best buddies ever.  After that, I was fortunate to get them into a Magnet school and when it was time for Tiffany to enter Kindergarten, she was able to go to the same school as Troy where he could keep a brotherly eye on her.  And when we moved to a new house and they entered a new school, he still continued to look out for her.

Of course, I can remember times, very vividly, as they got a little older, when they would bicker and tease each other endlessly and I thought I was going to go crazy.  But that didn't stop Tiffany from joining Pop Warner as a cheerleader and following in Troy's Pop Warner footsteps once she knew that he was going to play football.  They even did soccer as well, although Tiffany's heart wasn't in that sport and she quit after a while.  But despite the bickering and fighting, they looked out for one another.  No girl was ever good enough for Troy and boys needed to watch out for big brother!

As they grew, we took a lot of trips together.  We went to Disneyland in California and stopped at Malibu Beach, took a trip to Tennessee and Dollywood, to name just a couple.  It was in Dollywood where Tiffany had one of her worst tantrums ever and I was at a loss as to what to do with her.  Every child has these incidents but I'm sure Troy wanted to just disassociate himself entirely from his sister.  But somehow he was always patient with her.

I think Tiffany thought that Troy was always going to stay in the area, always be a part of our life here in the Northeast.  When he decided to go to UNC Charlotte, I believe that Tiffany felt in her heart that he was not ever coming back.  Especially when he met someone quite soon after he started his first semester there.  Of course, it didn't help that it was around this time that she broke up with her high school boyfriend, graduated early from high school and went to Marist College and hated it.  For despite their early squabbles, they were really quite close and she missed him terribly.  They had been together for so long, it's not surprising.  In fact, Troy himself mentioned that he didn't realize how much they were together when they were growing up until she was gone.  When she graduated from college, she made sure that Troy was there to share her special day...nothing less than his presence would do.

Even after the debacle when Troy told me about her eating disorder, I know she longed for the closeness that the three of us had had for all those early, growing-up years.  She often mourned the fact that Troy lived so far away and that he had what she called another "family" with Kelly.  Even though I told her that we would always be Troy's family, no matter what, it seemed to hurt her tremendously that we weren't together.  Nothing I could say would comfort her.  And when Troy got married, it seemed almost more than she could bear.  For in her eyes, he now really had a new family.

Troy was a wonderful brother to Tiffany and a stand-in father figure.  He listened to her problems at all hours of the day and night, offered her advice, practiced tough love and the opposite as well...all in an effort to support her and help her and love her.  Did he always succeed in his efforts?  Well, who could?  He did the best he knew how.  He worried about her, agonized over decisions he made and did what he thought was right.  He was the best brother Tiffany could ever have had...that any sister could possibly have had.

I will never forget when I had to tell Troy, that Saturday night in June, that Tiffany was gone.  The sheer and utter anguish and torment in his response tore my heart even further apart than it already was.  Not only was my daughter gone from this earth, but my son, her loving brother, was brought to his knees in desolation.  As his sobs filled my ears from 800 miles away, I could not imagine how the human spirit could endure what we had to face ahead.  But Troy was my rock, steadfast and true, as he had been for his sister.  The light of his love, and that of Kelly and Hunter, shines bright over me, as does Tiffany's from the heavens above.

Troy's Eulogy to his sister, with love...

Dear Tiff,

Where do I begin?  There are no words to describe the pain I feel now and forever.  My only sister has left me, left me longing for answers; answers to what a great life you would have led, answers that will never come.  I keep imagining all of the good times we would have had.  I picture you perfect and healthy, and telling Kelly and I how we should raise Hunter.  I think of the moment when he would say your name for the first time.  I see you at your wedding; you have finally found the man you were always longing for.  I dream of dancing with you there, you crying on my shoulder with tears of joy.  I imagine you having a baby, being hesitant at first but when you look at that little girl (it was always a little girl) you got so protective of her and she changed you.  Don’t you see?  You were capable of so much more.

Growing up together are the memories that I cherish most of all; all of the holidays, birthdays, and special occasions.  Christmas morning when you were always waking me up to go open presents; birthdays where you would always unwrap my gifts before I could; and even at your graduation when you outdid me again, I was still so proud.  And don’t forget about “The Wizard of Oz”; I can remember how much you loved it growing up.  You watched the video so much that the reels literally fell off.  If you only knew how much we all loved and watched you, Tiff. Well, today our reels have fallen off.

I still can’t believe it when I walked into your apartment on this past Monday morning.  I saw the picture of you and me dancing at my wedding.  There were tears falling from your face as they fall from mine now; you were so sad that day, so sad that I was moving on to another chapter in my life.  During our dance you told me how much you had missed me since I was gone.  I quickly told you that I missed you too but that you couldn’t cry because you would mess up your beautiful makeup.  You laughed, and for this brief, amazing moment captured in time, I can always see you as you truly were, my beautiful loving sister.

As I searched your apartment for every piece of you, I found the Patron tequila bottle Kelly and I gave you for your 21^st birthday.  I collapsed to the floor clutching the bottle as I wanted to clutch you; I cried in agony hoping it wasn’t true.  But, I didn’t forget what you said to me when you got it in the mail, you said, “Do you really think I can drink that whole thing?” 

I keep searching for ways to find peace but can’t.  Although, I will tell you that I find some comfort in knowing you were still coming to Charlotte despite what your stupid brother said.  You were coming to Charlotte to start anew, to start a life you always wanted, to take the first step in reuniting us all again in a place of happiness.

Tiff, you, I know now, are an angel.  You were troubled in this life despite the mind and body you were given but all the while you were disguised as an angel just wanting to go back home.  I believe the people that have the hardest time in this life are the ones that have seen heaven and compared it without even knowing it.  It saddens me to know that you are home now looking down on us, telling us to move on from this but I’m sorry, I can’t ever get past losing you.

Over the last days, I have seen the outpouring of love everyone has for you.  You touched so many lives during the precious moments you gave us.  You helped so many, so many cope with what you couldn’t.  I wish you could see now what you didn’t see then, that those around you loved you, needed you, and will forever remember you. 

Tiff, I need to tell you one last thing before I go; you once asked me if I was ashamed of you.  Well, lil sis, I’m not ashamed, I’m proud to call you my sister, I’m happy to say I love you, I’m devastated to say I miss you, and we all are screaming that this world will never be the same without you.

I love you, I miss you,

Troy