And that was how I saw Tiffany...down to her core. I know it wasn't just a mother's view with blinders on, seeing her child as she wanted or hoped or wished. This was truly the essence of Tiffany. At the same time, I know that she had her flaws. She could be stubborn to a fault, she was definitely spoiled and often wanted things her way. Yet she really cared deeply about people and wanted to help them when sometimes she, that sensitive, tortured soul, was the one who could have used the help.
As I look back on her life, I see that she had many friends in her early life and, yes, throughout her life. Some of these people were very close to her and remained close to her even as they moved away or we moved away from them. Others she met in grade school, middle school, high school, college and work. I like to think that she touched each and every one of these people's lives in some way and left it for the better.
I know later in life it was difficult for her to retain friends, as well as to make them. Or maybe it seemed that way to her. I think it was more in her mind than a reality and a function of her "illness". I believe that she often imagined that people were critical of her because she was so critical of herself. She did this from a young age. I can remember her coming home from a friend's house crying because of something that happened or because of some slight that she perceived happened against her. I wish I understood why she was so insecure even then because she was so loved by her family, so lovely a child with so much she could need or want, so gifted and special and bright.
This is not to say that everyone liked her, of course. I've told the story of the roommate in Stamford who talked about her constantly behind her back. There was also a college roommate who was terribly cruel to her and she certainly didn't deserve it. This was after her very good friend, Amanda, who was going to be her freshman college roommate, decided to live home. Tiffany was left without a roommate and I think someone in her suite asked to move in with her. I don't remember the circumstances anymore but Tiffany, being the generous person she was and figuring someone she knew was better than someone she didn't, said yes. Anyway, it didn't work out very well at all and later in the school year, while Tiffany was sitting in an office somewhere, this girl, who was also there, started telling the whole room that Tiffany was this crazy person and had an eating disorder...going on and on. Tiffany was devastated, mortified, embarrassed, hurt...there are no adjectives adequate enough to describe how she felt. I can't tell you what I wanted to say to that girl but as always, Tiffany begged me not to do anything. Now I'm so very, very sorry that I didn't. So for those who hurt Tiffany, "if karma doesn't catch up, God will surely pick up the slack" (Anthony Liccione).
But when I look back, those incidents were actually few and far between. Yet, those few incidents shaped who she was and who she would become. But, by far, there were so many people who loved Tiffany, who thought she was great and someone special and took the time to tell her so, both before and after.
So before I share Amanda L's eulogy that was read at Tiffany's funeral, I want to take a moment to recognize all the friends that passed through Tiffany's life because, honestly, there were so, so many. If I miss anyone, it's not for any reason other than my memory is not the best after so long and I'm not good at names or simply because I didn't know who you were. Many of you were good friends and some just touched her life briefly but I would be remiss if I didn't mention those that I knew, that friended her on Facebook or that have written on her wall/timeline. That's the best I can do (and hope I have you in the right place)...
From Glenwood Blvd - Eric, Loren, Rachael, Gail, Cassie and Nick...
"Tiffany and I danced ballet together for many years. She was one of the best dancers I've ever seen. She held nearly all of our leading roles and she had the grace and form to pull off every role she was assigned. Although we went to different high schools, we took our SATs together and went to college together. I'm so thankful I had a friend there to show me the way. We went to school for the same major and took every class we could together. She graduated with top honors and helped me in more ways than I can count. We continued our graduate degrees, again together. I wanted to be done with school but she encouraged me to take advantage of a scholarship that I had planned to give up. Her theory was, "what is one more year, plus you get to go with me!". I was accepted into the program four days before the semester started. Luckily, Tiff had already researched everything about our program and she pointed me in the right directions, explaining what classes I needed to take and going to the bookstore with me to get everything squared away. We took classes together, studied together, spent hours upon hours in the library and had full weekend marathon study sessions at my house. She was driven. After 12 hours of working on a tax law memo, I was ready to do something, anything but schoolwork, but Tiffany, she was still devoted to working on that memo until it was absolutely perfect. Graduate school ended and again, she went on to get an amazing position at one of the most prestigious accounting firms in the world.
Tiffany was my complete opposite but still an amazing friend. She was a city girl with big dreams of a power position and a career that would move her to the top. She was always well-dressed and put-together and just a beautiful girl all around. She loved shopping and Tiffany's jewelry always made her excited. She had the world at her fingertips and knew just what she needed to do to get it all. We'd laugh at each other, with her dreams to work in a big city and mine to live on a farm. We had the same degree but very different ambitions and I think that's what we loved most about each other; we could look at the world through a different set of eyes in every conversation.
In Tiffany's high school senior yearbook, she included a quote from Now and Then which said, "Things happen in life that you can't stop, but that is no reason to shut out the rest of the world." So everyone whose life Tiffany has touched, live each day to its fullest and know she'll have everything planned out, set up and ready for us when we see her again."
To Amanda and every one of Tiffany's friends, I thank you.
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