Prom...10 Years Later

It was ten years ago this weekend, or close to it, that Tiffany went to her Junior Prom.  Thirteen years ago that Troy went to his Junior Prom and the next year, to a friend's prom.  I remember those days so fondly and long for them so dearly.

 

So those times have been on my mind all week...since I had my hair cut last Friday and a young girl was having her hair done at the salon for a local school prom.  Penny and I reminisced about all those years ago, eleven years ago actually, when Tiffany had her hair styled for her boyfriend's Junior Prom.  Oh, I remember so well how Tiffany was quite upset at that time about her weight and her dress and her hair.  She had gained weight and the dress that fit so perfectly when she bought it in January no longer fit when she went to pick it up.  She was forced to get another size but fortunately, the store, Apropos, then in Amsterdam, had one in her new size in stock.  And when the day of the prom arrived, I convinced her to wear her hair up when she wanted to wear it down, so it was all a disaster in her eyes.

Yet, when it came down to the wire on that prom day, she looked like a fairy tale Princess.  Yes, she had put on a little weight but it wasn't a whole lot.  There she stood in that blue Cinderella ball gown, stunning in her beauty...truly like royalty.

 

The following year was her own Junior Prom.  This time she was determined to do things differently...her way or the highway, as I like to think.  She wasn't going to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress from a prom shop or wedding salon like she had the year before, even though that had totally been her decision.  Over the past year, she had trimmed her figure down so she was going to find something that was flattering to her body.  We both always loved the prom dresses that Cache, in Colonie Center at the time, had so we made that our first stop.  She tried on several dresses there and she was lucky enough to find one that had surely been made for her.  It was black, beaded all over -- sophisticated style all the way. In addition, it was substantially less money and I even had a coupon to use.  What could be better?  So she ending up buying the dress and she was pleased as a peach.

Just as she had definite ideas about her dress, she had firm ideas about her hairstyle.  No up-do for her this time around.  It was going to be ringlets all the way around with the hair on the crown of her head pulled back...this was her favorite style.  And we found such a spectacular, sparkling barrette for her hair.  Of course, it didn't matter what style she wore, she could pull off just about anything.  Do you suspect I might be a proud mama?

 What a gorgeous picture she made that day in 2004!  She looked so sleek, sophisticated and mature.  Everyone met at her friend's house nearby for pictures and they were all so beautiful and handsome.  Everything was going along fine until a mini-disaster struck!  Tiffany must have snagged her dress on something and all of a sudden beads started to literally drop off her dress.  When I noticed, I tried to find the thread that was the culprit so I could tie it off but that got Tiffany in one of her moods and she started to stress out.  I think we finally got the flood of falling beads stopped and she went on to have great fun that night, thank goodness.  A co-worker of mine was actually the videographer for that prom and I received extra magnets as souvenirs which I've kept as mementos all these years.  Princess Tiffany, for sure!  There's no doubt each and every one of the girls look like they had a fantastic night...

Of course, there's nothing as exciting as that first prom but this one certainly had its special moments.  Moments that I'll never forget and that will live on in my memory forever.  Even ten years later, I can remember certain things so vividly and I try to hold them close and dear to my heart, never to let them go.  As a remembrance of the gift of Tiffany's short life.

 

  

 

  

 

 

Tiffany's Serenity Garden

The Weeping Cherry is in bloom, Tiffany.  I think this one's going to make it just fine.  And soon after, it will be the Flowering Dogwood that will be blooming, along with the other perennials I chose so carefully for the front of the house and around the trees where your Serenity Garden sits.  All made possible from the generosity of so many people who gave in your memory.

I think I've nearly completed the task I set myself two years ago...to create a place of peace and serenity at the house where you spent 16 years of your life.  I'll know for sure when spring wanes and summer begins to make itself known in all its warmth and glory.  Then I will see if the plants I carefully nurtured survived this tough winter.  I think you'll be happy, Tiffany, with what's been done in the place where so many family pictures were taken throughout those years.

Tiffany and her Grandmother at her HS Graduation - 2005

What once was just a barren area around the trees is now filled with roses, hydrangeas and other flowering perennials.  There's now a bench, a flower stand for a potted plant and when the weather is warmer, a beautiful hibiscus and bougainvillea that survived nicely in the family room with the new southern facing windows.  We've even added angels to represent you and Jordan and other lost babies.  And to cap everything off, it is all surrounded by a low stone half-wall, brick edging and a brick pathway from the sidewalk in front of the house.  Perfect in every way.

Last year we took it another step further by enclosing the base of the evergreen tree.  As I placed the bench that sat on the porch for so many years and had most recently been part of your garden, a neighbor walked by and remarked at what a tranquil setting it made.  This gave me the idea to expand on the theme of tranquility and the results were all I could hope for.  I added wire plant stands, a beautiful angel and a cart to hold more plants.  And best of all, a bird bath!

The final piece of the plan I hope to finish this year.  The key to that plan is the new patio by the pool.  We hope to have a fountain as the centerpiece, if possible, to honor you.  I remember how much you loved that pool -- sunning on the lounge chairs, swimming with friends, playing with Emmitt, floating in the pool and much more.  I think even the pool misses you...

 There were no butterflies last year nor birds this year but I hope somehow you'll find your way to visit us, give us a sign or simply flutter and flit through the gardens of peace, serenity and tranquility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shattered

For quite some time now, I've had this nursery rhyme running through my head, over and over.  When one loses a loved one, people often talk about "before" and "after" and how one experiences a new "normal".  This is my re-imagining of the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme after losing Tiffany...

I am Humpty Dumpty, sitting on the wall – fat, dumb and happy. Along comes the Grim Reaper to knock me off my wall.  I have a great fall and I am shattered into a million little pieces, stunned beyond belief, numb to what has happened, no longer in my own body.  My family and friends, the King’s Horses and the King’s Men, search among the shards of myself to put together a semblance of me to get through the coming days.  To do the things no parent should have to do – putting photos together of their child’s life, writing the obituary, deciding on a coffin, planning the the ceremonies, “hosting” the wake, attending the funeral, burying their child…

Afterwards, this shadow self of me sits among the remains of my shattered life and I wonder how I will go on, surrounded by this living, breathing, physical pain of grief and suffering.  This pain owns me.  It lives in me and with me.  I don’t know what to do as I lay there with the pieces of myself scattered around.  I cry for what was, for what is now and for what should have been.  I want the “before”.  And now all I want to do is to be left alone with my grief, lie on my child’s grave in the grass and sink down, along with all the fragments of me, into the ground with my loved one.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…

But somehow, the human spirit is indomitable.  One morning, sometime “after”, I wake up and I’ve discovered that, although still numb and in a surreal state, somehow, somewhere, I’ve picked up some scrap of who I was and I’ve pieced it back into that semblance of the person I was just after I was broken.  I do this, unwillingly, heart-brokenly, each morning and sometimes I can’t find where the pieces belong.  The fragments don’t go back to where they were originally.  They don’t fit into who I am now so I have to create a new me.  I don’t want a new me.  I want the world I had, with my child in it, before it was blown to smithereens.  Still, every day I keep picking up the pieces as best I can until I’ve become someone else entirely.  I’m a stranger unto myself and to others.

I don’t know about this new normal, this new me.  Some pieces have been left behind, never to be found, and many were buried with my child.  The rest have been forged by fire into this new shape which, although filled with cracks, is made stronger by the steel and strength and power of pure love and sheer courage.  The love of my lost child, my sweet daughter, and the courage to go on for my beloved son and grandson, for the living.

I live in two worlds now – a shadow world and the real world.  I no longer sit up high on the wall.  I’m not Humpty Dumpty anymore.  I’m a Grieving Mother.

What Not To Wear

There once was a show called "What Not To Wear".  I don't know if it is still on but Tiffany loved to watch that show.  I'm not into reality shows at all but every so often I would watch that one with her.  That was back in the quiet days when she lived at home during her graduate year of college.

Well, Tiffany really wanted to get onto that show.  She truly didn't need fashion help because she always had an innate fashion style of her own.  She just lacked confidence in her own ability to put it all together, along with a lot of baggage that never went away.  So of course, she turned to me to try to help her get on the show and I, as always, was happy to do it.

Now Tiffany couldn't look bad on her worst day and wasn't even close to a fashion disaster but throughout her college days, she did tend to spend a lot of time in sweatshirts, jeans and sweats.  She also had body image issues which didn't help.  To achieve her goal, she gathered pictures that showed this trend and I put together a "business case" as to why she should be chosen for the show.

Obviously, Tiffany wasn't chosen but the experience was fun and in retrospect, I'm so sad and disappointed that I wasn't able to make it happen for her.  I think it could have done her a world of good and helped with some of her social anxieties but alas, it was not to be.  But honestly, she was just too beautiful for that show.

WhatNotToWear@bbcnyproduction.com

Tiffany Gallo

Age: 22

Size: 0-2

Height: 5’1”

Occupation: Tax Accountant/Preparer

Marital Status: Single

Location: Niskayuna, NY

Personality:

Generous and Thoughtful: Tiffany has always been generous and thoughtful towards others.  Whether it is giving away her clothes to her boyfriend’s young relatives, offering her help when visiting friends during holidays or breaks or helping her dad take care of his home during a very lengthy absence overseas for his work, Tiffany is always willing to do what she can to assist.

Reserved, Sweet, yet Stubborn:  Despite being reserved and shy, Tiffany has a core of sweetness within that draws people to her.  However, at the same time, she has a stubborn streak that comes out when she feels she is right.

Down-to-Earth, Logical, and Rational:  Tiffany has her feet planted firmly in reality.  This view has allowed her to set goals and make plans that aren’t just pipe-dreams.  In addition, she is known for coming up with clever and unique ideas on how to accomplish things that may seemingly be difficult to deal with.

Hard Working and Dedicated: Tiffany is a very hard-working young woman. When she gets something into her head she goes after it. This can be shown through the extremely hard work and dedication she put into school and work. She just graduated in May from college with her Masters in Taxation that she completed in only four years with honors while working two jobs, as well as graduating early from high school. Currently she is studying for her CPA exam. All of this time spent working very hard in school/jobs has resulted in her attaining the successful job she has always wanted with one of the big four accounting firms.  

Style:

            Tiffany really wants her style to be sophisticated-chic. However, even with the best of intentions, she always seems to end up looking like she is going to the gym. If you saw her, she would have her hair pulled back into a ponytail and every inch of her would be covered up. She would be wearing black yoga pants, sandals that are falling apart or Uggs (ugh), and a sweatshirt/jacket. Even if she is wearing a shirt or top, she always has a tank top underneath, no matter what the occasion.  It’s a staple clothing item like a bra and panties. And it doesn’t matter what time of the year it is; it could be summer and she still would be wearing a sweatshirt wherever she goes. I can even remember a time when she was younger and going to summer camp, her camp counselor mentioned something to me about her always wearing pants and a sweatshirt even when it was so hot.

            Fortunately, when she does have to go in to work, she wears something other than her sweatshirt (thank goodness!).  Except for the fact that her outfits for work usually consist of a boring solid color cardigan sweater or top, black work pants, and flats with no accessories or makeup.  This is all very frustrating because she loves makeup and does a great job when she takes the time to put any on.  As far as jewelry is concerned, well, what can I say - it’s boring.  All she wears is a simple silver chain, studs for her ears and a silver ring.  And I can’t stress enough that if you were to look in her closet, you would see that it consists of countless sweaters and dark dress pants for work, and sweatshirts, sweatpants, or jeans for anything else. She does have numerous shoes (many of which she has not worn more than once) and plenty of clothes that still have the tags on them.

            I would say Tiffany feels her sweatshirt is her safety blanket and if she can’t have that, she uses a cardigan as a substitute. She can only go out if she is covered. I think it’s time for her safety blanket to be taken away from her so she can fully enjoy life and dress in style for all to see and enjoy.

 Reason for nomination:

            While Tiffany may not be your typical What Not to Wear fashion disaster, she could be considered a disaster of another kind.  I would have to call Tiffany the “Queen of Returns” and brings this talent/skill to new levels (and it’s not just clothing, either).  Tiffany has been buying clothes in preparation for her new job; however, of all the clothes she buys, she only keeps the items she is accustomed to and comfortable with. If she does buy anything stylish, when she gets home, she begins to doubt that what she bought is the right choice.  Back and forth she goes with her inner debate until she finally decides she doesn’t “need” the item and returns it.  If for some reason, she does decide to keep it, it ends up hanging in her closet with the tags on until it is finally out of fashion and time to give it away.

            As a result, she needs help creating outfits and accessorizing because she doesn’t know how to do this with the clothes that she buys. Her outfits end up being lackluster and they do not show her youthful age. Her style ends up looking more conservative than she would like and makes her seems years older (when all she wants is to embrace a young attractive style that will make her happy).  What it comes down to is that the outfits she chooses are ones that cover up her petite frame because she is uncomfortable with the way she looks. This uncomfortable feeling she has with her size and style is left over from when she was a young girl. When she was younger she had weight issues and was a little bit heavy for her age. Consequently, I think she has always seen herself at this weight and this is the reason why she covers up and does not like to show off her body.

            Right now, she’s stuck wearing what she wore in college; a wardrobe that mainly consisted of stretch pants, baggy sweatshirts and when she goes anywhere, you can forget about any make-up. If she does attempt to dress up, she always keeps on her jacket to cover up. Furthermore, the majority of her clothes are black, white, grey, and navy blue. In those colors she feels she will just blend in with the crowd (although inside you can tell she was born to shine, and desperately wants to do just that).

            In addition, she is having a hard time with her short hair - she just recently cut her hair off and donated it. So now she only will wear her hair back in a ponytail. She needs to learn how to style a shoulder length cut because her hair has been very long for the past 8 years. I really want her to develop some self-assurance so that when she moves away from home to her new job, she will be able use that and have self-confidence. This new poise could help her have a presence in her new job and outside of work. Normally Tiffany would hide in the background, when she really should be standing out in the crowd. As her mom, I just want her to be able to have all of the pieces she needs to start this new stage in her life and the only piece that is missing is her style and comfort with the way she looks.

            So even though Tiffany is not your typical fashion disaster, I think Tiffany would bring something new and different because, unlike most of those featured on the show, she has a real passion for fashion. She is always reading fashion magazines, watching style shows and attempting to buy clothes that are fashionable - she just doesn’t know how to put the outfits together with the right accessories and doesn’t have the confidence needed to wear them. She needs to be shown how to put together outfits with the clothes she has purchased and incorporate the right or missing pieces to finish off her outfits. This polish will create a stylish look for her to wear during this new phase in her life.

            Ever since “What Not to Wear” arrived, she has been an avid viewer and has always dreamed of getting on the show. I want to be able to give Tiffany something she has always dreamed of because since becoming an adult, she has taken on numerous responsibilities. In the last several years, Tiffany and our family have gone through some difficult times and she has come out with her head held high. I want her to be able to do extremely well and succeed. This opportunity would mean everything to Tiffany and provide her with the tools she needs to do that. I cannot express how much she means to me and with everything she has done for me, I want to be able to do something special for her in return.  I want to try to make her “wish come true”!

Upcoming events: Starting first job with one of the big four accounting firms and moving away from home in October to Stamford, CT. 

Who knew that the "event" she was so looking forward to would come to such a sad end?

Who Tiffany Was: Part 2 - Relationships

What traumatic events drive a 12 year-old young girl to start purging? Is it really because girls at school were making fun of her? Is it because someone called her an elephant when she was in 4th grade? Or because a family member teased her as they will do or someone even closer to her told her she didn't need to eat something she particularly liked?

Could it have been deeper than that? Did the fact that her father traveled about 80% of the year play a factor in her development, exacerbating her fear of abandonment?  Was the divorce of her parents at age 14 another critical factor in her personality development?

They say that Borderline Personality Disorder can be caused by childhood trauma.  It is also said to be inherited, especially if a first degree relative has schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder.  While there are certainly members of the family whose mental health is questionable, none that close have been diagnosed with either disorder.  But, no doubt, life was not smooth with her father gone and then her parents divorced.  Of course, BPD is not diagnosed until the person reaches age 18 since they say the personality is still developing.  So one wonders -- does the eating disorder disturb the brain chemicals to such a degree as to bring the onset of BPD?  Or is BPD, caused by some childhood trauma, the underlying cause for the eating disorder?  Quite a conundrum...

So what does this have to do with Tiffany's relationships?  Well, in this area of her life, they were surprisingly stable.  Interestingly, they were few.  Two of the three lasted for a significant length of time.  And they all had a loving family unit that was intact, unaffected by divorce.  In each of these families, Tiffany was considered a member of the family, like a daughter.  She spent a considerable amount of time with each family over the relationship period and they all came to love her like their own.  As her mother, I was overjoyed to see her get along so well, to see her happy.  In the beginning of her first relationship, I knew there was an underlying sadness about her but didn't know about her bulimia yet.  But while I was delighted to see her fit in so well with these families, I also felt hurt that she wanted to spend more time with her boyfriends' families than her own.  What could I do but say to myself that I had to deal with it and do whatever made her happy?

Her first relationship lasted a little more than 2 years.  She spent every free moment with her boyfriend and his family, and she seemed very contented.  I remember how she talked about the future and how they would get married after college.  I guess all young girls do that with their first "love".  She was a cheerleader and he, a football player.  She joined the family on vacation and worked on their farm, always wanting to help out.  She would help make doughnuts and kissing balls and I'm sure she tried to be a bit bossy as she had a tendency to be.  That was so much what Tiffany was about.  But, alas, things changed when he went away to college and she stayed behind in high school.  Their relationship couldn't be maintained and they broke up.  I'll never forget that October day as long as I live and how out of control she was with grief.  She tried to keep the relationship going but by November there was nothing she could do.  She lay on my bed that night -- Election Day, I think -- and told me it was over and all I could do was hold her and comfort her, my heart breaking for her and her pain.

For the next year, her weight plummeted but I figured that was to be expected.  When she started college the following August, she seemed to have recovered her spirits and that first day in the dorms, she met the boy who would be her boyfriend for the next 4 years.  From the outside looking in, it was a very stable, loving relationship.  They did so many things together, from weddings to family gatherings to holidays to school to parties - you name it.  She spent time with his parents and his family doing many of these things and grew close to them as well.  And I can remember so vividly her gathering clothes that she no longer wanted or that no longer fit because she was determined to give them to a young relative.  That was just like Tiffany.  

I knew about the eating disorder by this time but she seemed to have it under control, as well as the early binge drinking during freshman year.  It was also during these years that she took part in the weddings of two of her first boyfriend's siblings.  Even though no longer together, she still meant so much to the family.  These were the quiet, happy years...at least for her loved ones.

That's not to say there wasn't any drama during that time.  There were still worries about her health...visits to doctors and therapists.  She started to see nutritionists, as well, as she really tried to focus on eating better and exercising right.  But she seemed content living on campus despite some roommate troubles at first, seemingly bonding well with her boyfriend and his friends, in addition to her suitemates and people she worked with.  Yet, she was still driven, striving for perfection, hard on herself and unforgiving of her own perceived imperfections and mistakes.   However, I think having her family and friends close by kept her grounded, enabling her to manage her emotions.  She went on to graduate from college early and attend graduate school, all in 4 years time.  She saw her brother get married to the girl of his dreams on a beautiful September day just one short year before moving to Stamford.  Life was good then.

After Troy got married, Tiffany went to graduate school, spent much of her spare time with her boyfriend and prepared for the next phase of her life.  It's hard to remember now but I thought she would find a job close to her boyfriend's hometown but that didn't happen.  After helping Tiffany to weigh all the pros and cons, Stamford won out as the location of choice and sometime in the months before she started her job, Tiffany and her boyfriend decided to break up.  Looking back, I guess she decided that long-distance relationships were too difficult to maintain, having had first-hand experience in this area.

In October 2009, Tiffany moved to Stamford to start her new job.  I encouraged her to concentrate on getting acclimated to her job, making new friends and discovering who she was without a boyfriend in her life.  All good in theory, I guess.  However, as with college, she met someone practically the first day she started on the job and although she probably tried to keep herself an arm's length away, well, I'm sure it didn't do any good.  Who could resist her?

I know she had a lot of fun in those first few months in Stamford before things went south.  Work seemed good -- she walked to and from the job every day, she was going out with friends, meeting in the bars...just having fun.  Then after January 2010, I think things changed.  She started to see someone which was good but she started to drink too much which was bad.  She didn't know how to stop at one...it was all or nothing.  So she felt that people were judging her, I'm sure, and her roommate problems got worse.  By March, she knew she was in trouble.  I know she confided in her boyfriend who was very supportive.  His family was very taken with Tiffany and they all went on vacation to Orlando together.  She even went on a cruise with her boyfriend where they had a wonderful time.  Back in Stamford, she spent a lot of time with him because it was very difficult for her to go to her apartment under the circumstances but he had roommates also.  I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to feel like she didn't truly belong anywhere...almost like a transient.  At the same time, she was also her own worst enemy; self-sabotaging, self-fulfilling, unable to believe that what she had would last.

Because what she feared the most did happen.  In June, she and her boyfriend broke up.  How can I forget that late night phone call as he drove her home from a function they had attended, her telling me that the relationship was over?  How many times was my heart going to break for her?  How was I going to help her pick up the pieces again and go on?  How little did I know that was nothing compared to the complete and utter heartbreak that was to come.

A few days after the breakup, Tiffany entered treatment.  That part of the story has been told.  Then sometime in November of 2010, Tiffany reached out to her former boyfriend in an effort to reconnect as friends.  Tiffany needed a strong support system; by this point, she was completely alone in Stamford but she refused to even consider coming back home.  He did everything he could to keep her going, to keep her motivated, her emotions in check and her thinking rational.  He was her confidant and therapist, all at the same time, which was difficult because he was now several hours away -- no longer in Stamford.

But it wasn't only a one-way street.  Tiffany being the person she was, helped him, too.  She did what she did best.  She planned and researched.  She found a school that didn't require GREs or GMATs for a master's program in the field he wanted to study and the school happened to be his alma mater.  She encouraged him to apply.  He did, was accepted and completed the program even when she was no longer there to cheer him on.  They remained dear friends right up to the end.

Ryan's eulogy to Tiffany:

Tiffany told me that some of her most favorite times with me were when we would be driving around somewhere and I would be singing. She would always joke by saying I should be on the TV Show “Don’t Forget the Lyrics” because I knew all of the words to so many songs. Believe me when I tell you, it had nothing to do with my voice, as she never suggested that I should try to go on “American Idol” or “America’s got Talent.”

Even more than my terrible singing, Tiffany would tell me that she liked when I would tell her stories about my past and growing up. Stories about my hockey years, silly things I did growing up, crazy things that happened to me in a given day…. anything really. It got to the point where she couldn’t wait for them to come naturally and on many occasions she would turn, look at me with those eyes, and say, “Tell me a story”.

She had a certain face that went along with that request that you could not say no to.  Fortunately for me, all of my stories seemed to entertain her. So, today for Tiffany, I will tell some more stories.

I met Tiffany in a weird twist of fate when we both started working for PwC, Tiffany in Stamford, and I in Manhattan. I say weird because I was supposed to be in the Manhattan training group, but due to a mistake I was placed in the “Visitors to Manhattan” group.

Thanks to this mistake I was afforded the opportunity to meet people from other offices. Upon entering the room I was instantly attracted to the cute, short, quiet, blonde girl, sitting at the Stamford table, who, much like me, did not speak much in a crowd. However, unlike me, she seemed to have all the right answers. To be honest, I might have peeked at her paper just a few times during this training.

Over time, I learned that she wasn’t always quiet and had the potential to be like a firecracker; small, quiet, and reserved, until you got to know her, or rather “lit her fuse.”

Talking about this reminds me of our last family vacation where we brought Tiffany along to Orlando, Florida. Tiffany was happy to be getting away from the cold North East, excited about getting away from the office, and ohh... absolutely ECSTATIC about going to Universal’s Harry Potter Land!

Tiffany was a HUGE Harry Potter fan! I will never forget how excited she was when she could see “Hogwarts” inside of Universal Studios, and when we entered “Hogsmead” (the recreated Harry Potter Village for you non Harry Potter fanatics), forget it... The saying “Kid in a Candy Store” doesn’t quite do it justice.  We saw everything in that Village… Tiff made sure of it.

Lucky for us, it was an “off-week”, and we did not have to wait too long in lines to see everything, but she would have easily waited in line all day for the Harry Potter Castle ride. It should also be noted that it would not matter the time in line, how much it cost, or that it didn’t actually do real magic, she was getting a replica Harry Potter Wand*!

Only after Tiffany made a few modest purchases; ya know something to show people you had gone there; so 8 or 9 items later… we could finally leave Harry Potter Land and continue with the rest of the Park.

Another great moment came from the same Florida trip when she completely shocked me for the first time. Tiff, loved that I could read her mind in many situations, and finish her sentences. I don’t know how I did it, but I always seemed to know what she was thinking, and when she was hiding something from me… which she wasn’t always happy about.

However, I would have bet my paycheck against her wanting to go reverse bungee jumping, but as soon as she saw it, she began shaking my arm saying, “We are SO doing that!!” I tried stalling but it was no use, she was determined to do this, slingshot looking contraption that would fling us into the sky at amazing speed.

We got strapped in to the double seat and surprisingly, she was still very excited to be hurled over a hundred feet into the sky. I know this because I repeatedly asked her “are you sure about this?” Hoping of course, that she might change her mind… also, wasn’t going to happen.

 They gave us a count down and VOOSSHH, we were off, hurling into the Orlando Night sky. My stomach instantly dropped into my lap and I said “ HOOO-LLLY…” and for the first time, Tiffany finished one of my sentences…

When you are finished they offer to show you the video replay of your trip into the sky. At the moment of lift off, you could see in her face that she then realized she may have bit off more then she could chew but we both had a lot of fun and it is a moment that I will remember forever.

On a more serious note, Tiffany was very driven; she completed her bachelors and masters, both with high honors and ahead of schedule. She got hired by one of the best accounting firms in the world, and passed her CPA exam to become a Licensed Certified Public Accountant. She accomplished so much in such a short period of time.

Tiffany was also a great friend who would do just about anything for you. She was my personal accountant; she did all my taxes for me, and even did a return for my brother. She also took care of me when I got sick due to food poisoning. I remember, I spent the night on my bathroom floor and had to call into work sick as it looked like I was not going anywhere soon. I told her to go into work and that I would be ok.

At that moment she smiled, grabbed her phone, and called into work as well only leaving me for about 20 minutes to run to the store and pick up Ginger ale and Saltines. This was the type of person she was.

As any great Friend would, Tiffany inspired me to pursue what I am passionate about; from making time in my schedule to coach hockey, to going back to school to get a masters in Psychology. When faced with obstacles, she pushed when she knew it was something I was passionate about and wanted to do; helping me achieve my goal. Even though I have told you this before, Tiffany, thank you for staying by my side and for pushing me, Sweetie.

Now for the really hard part. It's going to be so hard not expecting a text message around 4:00pm that reads "I'm bored". Or months from now when the final chapter to the Harry Potter and Transformers saga is released and we won’t be going to watch it together. Or even years from now when I’m trying to tell stories that you will be the subject of or a part of, because we had such great times together and you meant so much to me.

For whatever reason that mistake occurred that placed me in your training, I am so happy it happened and allowed us the chance to meet and become great friends.

Today, I feel so empty saying goodbye to my best friend.  You are going to be missed by so many. You will forever live in my heart, I love you, Tiffany, and I can't wait to see you again. I will never forget you.

Goodbye, Sweetie.

Tiffany was a complicated person with simple interests.  There was nothing she loved more than sitting around, watching her favorite TV shows and movies with friends and family, cooking dinner and baking cookies, late night talks with friends, lounging in her sweats...she could be a bit of homebody.  And she loved more than anything to tell someone, in her voice that always sounded so young, how they got to do something with her or for her or because of her.  It almost became her trademark and you just had to laugh when she said it.

She also had her dreams.  If you knew her well, you knew that she had a thing for Tiffany jewelry.  She was determined that if she ever got married, her engagement ring would be from Tiffany & Co.  She even had the Tiffany Ring finder on her iPhone.  And her hope was that she would get that ring on the ice skating rink in Rockefeller Center in New York City when that proposal finally came.  If only her wishes could have come true...

Rockefeller Center February 2012

As I close, I want to mention that although I haven't heard Ryan's eulogy in three years, I am struck by the similarities between his and Amanda's.  Yet Ryan and Amanda never met.  And amazingly, when I wrote this, I didn't have what Ryan wrote in front of me (it was the final entry into this post) and yet his words echo mine so eerily.  Because this was who Tiffany was.

* Note: the Harry Potter's Wand that Tiffany purchased in Orlando with Ryan and his family was buried with her on July 1, 2011.