Children and Beautiful Memories

This is a post I wrote in June of last year on Tiffany's Facebook page.  I was feeling so nostalgic that I just wanted to capture all those memories that were bubbling up inside me from when the children were young.  It's a sort of timeline for me to remember as I take this journey, travel this path of loss.  There are so many wonderful, joyful memories to hold in my heart!

I've been thinking about you a lot today. I really should be outside working on your "Serenity Garden" and the other areas around the front yard where I've planted trees and shrubs in your remembrance but I can't seem to get in the right frame of mind. Maybe I just need to write my thoughts down and then I can get on with the day.

So much to remember...the early years with you and Troy. Going to day care while I worked, picking both of you up and spending the evening home. Trying to find something you would eat because you were so picky while Troy would eat anything. Watching TV, playing video games, reading books and bedtime.

Going to camp every weekend...leaving on Friday and coming home on Sunday. Laying on the beach, playing in the water, making sure the dogs didn't wander too far, going to Sand Island, Troy driving his 4-wheeler off the bank and surviving (LOL), campfires, mosquito bites (which you would itch until they bled and still did even after you were grown), hot dogs and hamburgs...I could keep going. How much you loved the lake and camp, and how much you missed it when you didn't go there much anymore!

Even after all this time, I miss the frantic pace of bringing you and Troy to all your activities. Dancing, soccer, football, cheerleading and the list goes on. Elementary school, Middle school, High school...friends, parties, overnights, school band, games, competitions...where did the time go?

Then college...early HS graduation, Marist College, picking you up every weekend in Poughkeepsie, exploring Hyde Park and Route 9 for things to do, SUNY Albany, dorm living, meeting at the gym in the early morning at Crossgates, finding Duke on the wheel of your Jeep in the parking lot of Crossgates, early college graduation, grad school, living home with mom again (oh no) and job interviews in NJ, CT and NYC!

Finally, you moved to Stamford. You hired a moving truck and moved into a nice little apartment. You started your new job, met new people and things seemed to be going well. The nest was truly empty here. Troy was married to Kelly and soon Hunter was born. But you would call me just about every day...mostly during critical conference calls (of course). You would come home every so often, watch some TV, we'd do some shopping together and you would go back. And every once in a while, I would visit you in Stamford and we'd check out Woodbury Outlets, the Westchester Mall, Stamford Town Center Mall and other places. We'd get our nails done together and shop at the Home Goods store next door. So much to remember!

Now all I have are memories and your legacy. I loved how you were always making plans and goals, and changing them. How you always seemed to know what was just the right thing for someone and had just the right piece of advice for someone in need. And yet you couldn't seem to take your own advice...couldn't see the forest for the trees, I guess. I miss your kind heart, your beautiful smile, your gorgeous blue but hurting eyes. I remember how so very private you were, and how very, very sensitive you were and easily hurt. And at the same time, you had no qualms about telling me (and I'm sure those close to you) exactly how things were but to others, you were a mystery sometimes.

Music and poetry are what help me to express my loss. Just a song can bring me to tears and a meaningful line of poetry can touch my heart. So I close with something I found in a Hallmark store. It was a candle which describes you oh so perfectly:

"Tiffany - She is a woman of vibrant personality. She is an enigma."

With all my love, Mom 

An Angel from God