The Path I Trod

Grief ebbs and flows...it has its peaks and valleys, highs and lows, and comes and goes in intensity.

In one of the many hard moments, a moment of profound intensity, that comes in this arduous journey of grief, I wrote a letter to Tiffany in which I poured out my darkest fears in the constant battle to get through daily life.  These times were particularly difficult after the holidays and seemed to occur in the month of January...

The path I trod is dark...oh so dark, surrounded by the valley of the shadow of death. You haunt my deepest dreams and torture my every waking moment. I struggle each day to find meaning in this life, to enjoy the little things, to seek happiness in what I have left, to be grateful for the gifts I have been granted, to believe that I will see you again in another life. None of it seems possible and I am sad beyond belief, crushed by despair. But somehow, I soldier on even when the pain of your loss and everyday life is sometimes more than I can mentally bear. I see the future looming before me and I can hardly comprehend that you will not be part of that future. If only I had the wisdom and courage to understand why things are the way they are and why you had to leave us. What lesson is to be learned from this suffering, I wonder?

I am still searching for the answers to many questions a year and a half after this letter was written.  But of course, many of the answers will be beyond my ability to find.  I know I will never stop...

So as I continue on this road, on my journey, I am privileged to have family and friends joining me in this brief moment in time to walk alongside me and support me to honor the memory of Tiffany.  I am overwhelmed by the response and surely Tiffany's light shines upon us.

Out of the Darkness SUNY Sch'dy Campus Walk for Team Tiffany

I hope that Tiffany's welcoming spirit guides me and gives me the strength to walk those 3.1 miles...

Psalms 23: 1-6

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not  want. 
He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. 
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. 
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil, for You are with me; 
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, 
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

Amen.